11 Thing I Miss About America

This is my last week in Ireland. I have been here for more than three months. In that time, I've traveled across Ireland and across Europe. I've learned a little about European culture and a lot about what it means to be Irish.

But mostly, I have learned that America is the greatest country in the world and I never want to leave. Here are my top eleven reasons why:

The ability to work & make money:
Kind of a questionable point because a lot of Irish people actually do work (not as many as you'd think though, but we'll come back to this later). I am on a student visa and can't work - and it's a pain in the ass because I spend like a million dollars a week.

Cheap beer:
I took for granted the ability to walk into a beer distributor and throw down $16 for 30 cans of Natty. Or walking into the Grog and paying $2 for a bottle of Coors Light. Aside from the fact that Euros are more expensive than dollars, everything here is more expensive anyway.

The ability to use a smartphone:
I guess this would be an easy fix but I never turned my iPhone service on so I've been stuck with my Samsung Coconut most of the time. It sucks.

Driving:
I just really miss my Jeep. And speeding.

Sunshine/the beach:
It rains in Ireland ALL THE TIME and I don't think anyone here gets pleasure out of going to the beach. Maybe it's because literally everyone (even the Romanian immigrants) has sensitive pale skin?

Snow:
It gets so cold in Dublin but it never snows. I have to think it's kind of the opposite of lake-effect snow because the ocean is salty - but I honestly have no idea. But I do know that it should be snowy in December and I can't wait to get home to see some.



Thanksgiving:
Obviously, they do not close business on Thanksgiving here. Even if you are an unpaid cubicle monkey intern. So I sat at my desk until 5:30 watching the Macy's parade and reading Barstool. I accomplished nothing. Stick it to the man?

Capitalism:
I always knew I liked capitalism, but living in a socialist country has really brought out the conservative in me. Irish people pay 48% of their income to the government - sometimes more. Like, are you kidding me? They get a lot of benefits, sure, but most of those benefits go to people who aren't working and thus aren't contributing to society. And do you know how long you can collect welfare here? Six months? A year and a half? Nope, try your entire life. Forever. There is no incentive to work. They have no system of tipping at most restaurants, so the waiters have no incentive to be good at their jobs. It is just absolutely bizarre.

ESPN:
As I am a male in the 12-100 age range, a lot of my television watching time goes to ESPN. They don't have it here (or at least they don't have it on the shit tv in my living room). I miss everything about it. I miss SportsCenter, I miss Around the Horn, I miss PTI, I miss SportsNation, I miss live sports besides soccer, and shit I even miss all of the This Is SportsCenter commercials. I might not turn it off for the entire winter break.

Taco Bell:
This is probably going to seem bizarre for a lot of you. But I LOVE Taco Bell. I eat it at least three days a week over the summer and it would be fair to say that I have a mild physical and mental addiction to Taco Bell. And there are none of them in Europe. Not even in Amsterdam! The day I found out that www.tacobell.com had on online picture menu, I decided I was going to expand my Taco Bell horizons. Because usually I just stay in the Doritos/volcano taco and steak chalupa range. No more. I'm going to eat nachos. I'm going to eat cheesy gordita crunches. I'm going to eat volcano burritos. Basically, I'm going to turn into the best Taco Bell customer in the world. And it shouldn't be that hard - I'm already like top ten.

Oh.. I miss the SportsCenter Top Ten too.

Hurling

Let me kick off this post by saying that the two major spectator sports in Ireland are Gaelic Football and Hurling. Gaelic Football is like soccer with more lenient handball rules. Hurling is kind of lacrosse but with huge wooden spoons and the option to score point by throwing the ball thru what is essentially a field goal upright.

They are bizarre to explain. You could even say that they're ridiculous. But in action, both sports are very cool.

I have yet to see Gaelic Football in person. But I'm going in like two weeks. But I did have the option to see the All-Ireland Hurling Final this afternoon. Here is the play-by-play, bullet style:

• Take a bus into downtown Dublin
• Walk for what seemed like an hour (I was not leading the way)
• Pass a TON of people dressed in Galway (maroon) and Kilkenny (yellow/black) colors
• Feel like an outsider and be pressured into buying a scarf/headband/shirt/flag/etc. 
• Sit down in a small, quiet bar
• Get bored instantly
• Walk back towards the stadium
• Haggle with scalpers
• Go to get cash
• Come back and find out that the scalpers no longer have tickets
• Ask the cops for tickets
• Get free tickets from cops (yes, that is a real thing in Ireland)
• Go to the game

And then this happens:

(trying to upload a picture but the wifi here is subpar)

There were 82,000 people in the stadium to watch a sport that is known (by me) as Frying Pan Lacrosse. And it was NUTS. 

I took a video of the game-tying score in the final minute and the stadium exploded. 

And then the game ended. In a tie. And they play again in three weeks to break the tie. It is bizarre, to say the least. But you can bet your ass I will be there for the rematch. 

Welcome to Ireland

Well, I had intended to post more blogs about Ireland before I actually left for the Emerald Isle but that didn't happen so all I really knew going in were these two nuggets (both from Netflix, actually):

• the Irish equivalent of classic rock is awesome (some documentary that I don't know the name of - just search Netflix for "Ireland")
• Irish accents can be so hard to understand (Burn Notice and a movie that I don't know the name of - but also just search for "Ireland")

At the time I am writing this post, I have been in Ireland for three full days. Seventy-two hours of completely unreal life. I don't know what it is about this green country but something about it makes the following things seem okay:

• Bars with "college bar" feels to them that are packed with 16-60 year olds
• The fact that a fellow American and I sat down for dinner at a pub at 6:30 and drank beers with a local man named Jerry (legend, by the way) until 11:30
• Jerry came back to the bar on campus with us because it was his 39th birthday
• Jerry said his wife would be fine with it
• The following night, we went back to the same bar and saw Jerry and his wife. And she was okay with the previous night's happenings
• The bar on campus (which I could hit with a rock if my living room windows opened wider) hosted a Transgender/Transexual conference party thing this week. Three other Americans and I chatted with a man named Stella last night. 
• Our conversation with Stella was about housing markets and the Irish economy. Not about how he was muscular as shit but wearing a tube top dress and lipstick. 

I would hope that reading that makes you concerned for my health and safety. I'm actually really nervous to let my mom see, now that I think about it. But Ireland isn't all about getting really drunk. There is also a lot of history and culture that does not happen in public houses. 

For example, did you know that Arthur Guinness was akin to George Washington? He was such a huge figure in the political history of Ireland that they honor him with his own holiday (September 27th) like the Fourth of July.

Wait, what? He's not political at all? He founded a brewery? 

Oh.

Well, in the words of Jerry, #welcometoireland

Introduction (and Introduction to Irish Music)

If you study abroad, there is a 100% chance that someone will tell you to write a blog about your travels and studies (and shenanigans?). And seeing as how I am already a pretty prominent blogger in the internet community, I figured I'd use my platform to share my stories with the world/America/my mom.

Since I don't actually leave until September, I don't have a whole lot to say at this stage. So I did what any blogger would do when they don't have anything to write about - I went to Wikipedia and I found something to write about.

Today we're going to talk about Irish music - and not the traditional kind because I hate that shit (we'll see how that plays out in the Fall). We're talking about the 5 most standout Irish bands of all-time. According to Wikipedia. Do I have to start calling it Wikipaedia now? Is that an Irish thing? I'm hopeless.

#5 - The Cranberries

Who knew that The Cranberries were Irish? And who knew that this song was by The Cranberries? Rob's reaction: "Oh, I know this song. This band sucks. It sounds like Cam singing."

#4 - Boyzone

To be totally honest with you, Boyzone sucks eggs. I struggled to find a blog-worthy song. This only made the cut because the intro sounds like the theme song to Let's Make A Deal.

#3 - Van Morrison

No contest here. If Van Morrison comes up in conversation, your mind should instantly go to Brown Eyed Girl. It's weird but knowing these guys are Irish makes me feel a lot better about going to Ireland.

#2 - Westlife


Westlife is an Irish boy band. They really aren't good. They're so bad, in fact, that I can't even find a video of theirs that's worth posting. So here's this:

Magic.

#1 - U2

Obviously U2 is number one.

So in conclusion, Irish music isn't all about the Dropkick Murphy's and bagpipes and kilts. They do have some normal bands, some boy bands, and some questionably homosexual singers. Just like America.